At the end of every year, movie critics pick their top ten, their best this, their best that. Not to dump too hardly on the Yule Cheer, but I think a good dose of spleen is in order. As my Dad used to say, "it will feel better after it stops hurting":

The greatest oddity for me in 2006 was seeing what passed for pleasure in the minds of America's highbrow critics. Could they really find bliss in the drony, books-on-tape literalism of "A Scanner Darkly"? Were they seeing some holographic dupe of Setsuko Hara's wan smile as they saw Shu Qi mumble her way through "Three Times"? Did they succumb to sleepy-time even once as Mr. Lazarescu hacked up another bloody clot of phlegm? And might they not feel the urge to sneak next door and take a gander at Lindsay Lohan's freckles just once as they watched those two dull Gen X-ers sit in the jacuzzi, rediscovering their "Old Joy"?--Matthew Wilder

For all the heartfelt Robert Altman eulogies, a truly meaningful tribute to the late auteur would be a moratorium on second-rate "Nashville"-style ensemble pieces that seem increasingly to be the province of every Tom, Dick, and Emilio.--Nick Schager

Sometimes critics are accused of acting like they're smarter than the movies they're reviewing. But what if it's true? The experience of watching "The Fountain" was a sad one. Even though Darren Aronofsky can't even bite Maya Deren and Jordan Belson correctly, I couldn't loathe it with relish. It's a half-baked undergraduate treatise on some really heavy concepts, man, stuff like life, and death, and the spirit. (Dude!) And yet it's so painfully earnest that I mostly came away feeling sorry for it. More than anything, it's a symptom of our times, where Eastern mysticism and Buddhist tenets are watered down into self-help bromides for soccer moms and fratboys: Enlightenment-flavored Ovaltine.--Michael Sicinski

Eddie Murphy provided "Dreamgirls"' only tangible connection to the taproot of R&B, more than Jennifer Hudson's showgirl belt or Beyonce's bland brassiness. I wonder if even B. herself realizes how perfect she is for the role of a lead singer with "no personality."--Sam Adams

What does it say about our world that you can lose "American Idol" and win an Academy Award for doing basically the same thing?--Matt Singer

I don't doubt that many viewers (by viewers, I always include paid film critics) consider the events of a film like "Babel" (or, more specifically, the film "Babel") to be "true," in that the film "accurately" "captures" "global" "states" of "injustice." Let me point out that the film is itself a crime against humanity, and possibly the worst film ever made, and that any random Japanese schoolgirl who can fake sign language could play that particular part. Now that the international court in The Hague is done with Milosevic, I put forth Inarritu.--Mark Peranson

If this brings you down, don't sweat it toooo much. Have a drink and dig into your DVD collection.